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Daddy.
Daddy, are you home? Maybe he isn't.
Of course he is. Daddy!
Find him?
Does it look like I found him, Stanley? Well, I just thought...
Dad!
Daddy.
Don't worry about your father, Barbara. I'm sure he's alright.
I don't know.
Honey, I'm sure... Daddy!
Daddy, are you there?
We shouldn't have left him alone.
He wanted to come here. Don't get your self all upset. Daddy!
Honey. What... Stanley!
Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming! Daddy!
I told you he should not be left alone.
It's too big for one man in his condition. He wanted to be left alone.
You always take his side. Daddy! Dad!
Who are you? Your outfit? Where you going?
I don't know. You don't know? How come?
I just moved up. Let me see your dog tags.
Where are they?
I... I can't find them. He's a Kraut!
He don't look like one. I'm not! I'm an American.
Prove it! Prove it?
Who plays third for the Tigers? The Tigers?
The Detroit Tigers.
Who is it? I don't know.
Why ask him? It came in to my head.
You guys go on without me. Where's your weapon?
I don't have one. Everybody's got one!
I'm a chaplain. Assistant chaplain. What's your name?
Pilgrim. You know why this got three sides on it?
Makes a slit that don't close up. Gee, that's great.
A G.I. knife makes a slit. Right.
Slit closes up, right? Right.
This makes a three-sided slit.
It kills you.
What's that? Chaplain's assistant.
No shit! What's your name? His name's Pilgrim.
You know how to pray? Start praying!
Where are we, Corp? Belgium, stupid.
You tell Paul Lazzaro where we are! We're in the middle of Krauts!
You got us here. Get us out!
...Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
...Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily......
Just beyond those trees there's a farmhouse.
Go on without me. I'll be all right.
I'm gonna scout that farmhouse.
And if it's clear, I'll fire my carbine three times spaced.
Got it!
That son of a bitch ditches us, I'll kill him.
We could surrender. What?
We could surrender, couldn't we?
We'd just have to stay here...
Me and the corporal and the dago, we're Americans! We don't surrender! Got that?
He's took off.
That corporal.
He'll get back home after the war.
He'll be a big hero.
Dames'll be climbin, all over him.
Couple of years go by, and one day there's gonna be a knock on his door,
and there'll be this stranger.
...Paul Lazzaro sent me... the stranger will say and shoot his pecker off.
Strangerwill give him a couple of seconds to think about who Paul Lazzaro is...
and what life's gonna be like without a pecker,
then he'll shoot him once in the guts and walk away.
Yes.
Billy, you time tripping again?
I can always tell, you know, when you've been time tripping.
You were back in the war, weren't you?
Time travel's a bitch for you , isn't it? Particularly the war.
I can't help it.
Why don't we see if old Mother Montana can't keep you stuck right here for awhile.
How about a little kiss? A little kiss?
- A little ki... - A what?
A little kiss. - You fuckin' faggot!
What's the matter? You fuckin' fairy!
What's the matter, faggot?
I was thinkin' of a girl. He wanted to kiss me.
I was imagining things and I was...
Krauts!
Stehen Sie auf.
Billy, you're wonderful.
I'm so glad I waited.
I'm glad we waited too.
Otherwise, it wouldn't have seemed the same tonight. No, it wouldn't.
It starts the whole marriage off on the right foot.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know when you were in the war you must have had experiences.
Well... No, don't tell me about them! It was wartime.
Anyway, it's different for a man than for a woman. I understand.
Just so glad we waited.
So am I.
And you know what? I'm gonna lose weight just for you, Billy.
See. Before I needed a reason,
and now... I have one!
Hey, Billy. I think we've begun the life of a new hero.
How can you tell? Because I'm a woman.
And you know what, Billy? What?
I never thought anybody would ever marry me.
I did.
Jesus! Stay off my feet, will ya?
Walk right, will ya? Gee, I'm sorry.
You step on his feet again, you son of a bitch, and I'll break your ass!
You hear me?
Die blonde Haar. Bringen Sie Marine.
Over here. Schnell!
Good. Hold it. Look out here now. Can you get the sign in?
The sign's in good. Okay, smile.
Looks good. Hold it.
Big smile now. Big smile!
Ja! Lacheln. Lacheln. Lacheln. Ja.
Hey, that's good. Hold that kiss.
We got it!
All you dog faces from the 451 st over here.
Fall in here. It's your old colonel, boys. It's Wild Bob.
Four-fifty-first.
You from the 451 st?
Some of you boys must be from the 451 st.
I know you, don't I? What's your name?
Pilgrim, sir. Pilgrim. Ofcourse! I remember you.
Damn fine rifleman. Fine rifleman, Pilgrim.
One of the best in the 451 st.
First in peace, first in war, and first...
Get your hands off me! An officer's place is with his men!
My men need me, and I'm stayin' with , em! Don't worry; it's your old colonel.
Wild Bob is with you. No formalities. At ease.
By God, Will Bob's proud of you.
There are dead Germans all over the place wishin' to God they'd never...
I'm stayin' with my men.
All right. All right. God bless you, boys.
Bless you, boys.
By God, boy, you're a good soldier.
You'll come through this all right.
And when you get to Cody, Wyoming, just ask for Wild Bob.
We'll have one hell of a reunion.
God bless you, boys! Bless ya, boys!
A fag frolic in Wyoming. I'll be there, Pilgrim, waitin' for you.
Come on.
This ain't so bad. I been in a lot worse spots than this.
Troy. Winter of '37.
Cold? I'll tell you!
Or take the time Watkins and me decked the yard bull at White River junction.
Had us in the pen for three weeks in our Skivvies.
Would have had pneumonia if we hadn't jumped the place.
They took us up to Burlington to check us out.
Last I heard, Joe was somewheres on the Alagash.
You try that sometime, pal.
You try that sometime in February in 1934,
then see if this is so bad.
There are plenty of worse places.
Plenty of worse places.
He was at the top of his class in optometry when this happened.
I don't doubt it, Mrs. Pilgrim.
The doctor says it's nervous exhaustion.
I'm sure that's all it is.
I think it's the war.
That certainly could have a lot to do with it.
But he had some awful experiences.
He was in Dresden when it was bombed.
His closest friend was killed there.
Dreadful. Dreadful.
And his father passed on while Billy was in training.
But I knew God would send Billy home safe to me.
I prayed every night. Mr. Rosewater.
Even though we don't belong to a church.
We're all in God's hands, dear.
Billy! Billy, Mama's here.
You can come out now.
He's engaged to a very rich girl.
Her name's Valencia. Valencia Merble. Her father's Lionel Merble.
He owns the Ilium School of Optometry where Billy was going.
He's building a brand-new home for them on the lake for a wedding present.
It's a surprise.
Billy. Billy, sweetheart.
The war is over. You can come out now.
Pilgrim! You killed me, Pilgrim.
You son of a bitch.
You call my mom and dad in Pittsburgh, see.
You tell them I died and that you killed me!
Weary.
This is Paul Lazzaro, Weary.
I'll get revenge for you.
Lazzaro. Yeah.
Did I ever tell you what happened to the dog? It's hot.
Son of a bitch dog bit me. So I got some steak,
and I got this spring out of a clock, and I cut that spring up into little pieces.
I stuck it into the steak. Way inside. I went to where they had that dog tied up.
I said, ... Hey, boy. I'm not mad. Come on. Let's be friends....
And I threw him the steak, and I waited around for around 10 minutes.
And he started cryin'... and the blood spilled out of his mouth.
He tried to chew out his own insides, and I said,
... Hey, boy.
That's me inside there with those knives....
Anybody ask you the sweetest thing in the world,
it's revenge.
Weary's dead, Pilgrim.
The patient has been suffering from trauma...
which we think can be treated by electric shock.
Hello, Billy. Hello.
We've prescribed a series of 12, and we're up to number seven.
The patient was a prisoner of war in Dresden when it was bombed.
He claims that well over 100,000 people were burned to death in the fire.
Worse than Hiroshima. And since Billy was actually there,
it's natural to assume that this has had a contributing effect on his present condition.
He's ready, Doctor. You're going to sleep now, Billy.
Aufstiegen.
Was is los? Arouse!
Schnell!
In German Continues]
Name? Paul Lazzaro.
That's two z, s.
Parents? I don't got no family. I said two z, s.
To whom we send the number in case of death? Send it to him.
This is your tag. Don't forget it.
Ja, wohl.
Name?
Parents?
You want it now, Pilgrim? Or in the morning? What do you want?
- Hey, hey! Why me? - Aufstehen!
You're on my list, pal.
- Aufstehen! - Aufstehen.
Gear it down, fella. These Germans can be awfully mean.
Yeah? Well, they don't know Paul Lazzaro.
Listen. We Americans have got to stick together.
Who are you, pop? I'm Edgar Derby.
Yeah? Well, I got somethin' for you to stick, Derby.
All right. All right.
Hey, you fuckin' goon! All right. I'm takin' em off!
Leave me alone! I'll take, em off! I'm warnin' ya, pal.
All right, son. Over here.
Here we go, Billyboy. I'll take you out. Time to sinkorswim!
That's the way to do it, Pilgrim. Best thing for him.
By God, Pilgrim. You're really gonna do it.
You bet your boots I'm gonna do it. His mama's not gonna keep him all of his life.
My old man did the same to me. Done me a world of good.
You betcha! It's the only way!
Well, this is it, Billy boy. It's sink or swim!
And don't...
Billy?
Billy!
Who are they? They're Russian prisoners.
Hail, hail the Yanks are here
Join the men from Dover till the war is over
We bid you welcome here
With a little food and cheer you're welcome here
To share our food
And cheer
Evening. Come along inside.
We've organized a little welcome.
We had a couple of days notice of your arrival.
That gave us an opportunity to prepare.
Hear you had a pretty beastly time in Bondem. Jerry put on quite a show.
It can't last forever, can it?
- Where'd you get all this? - Red Cross. Clerical error.
They've been sending us 500 parcels a month instead of 50.
Three years now. We've got rather a lot, actually.
Shouldn't you tell 'em?
Shouldn't you give it back?
Yank. You haven't been in the fight very long, have you?
Come along. I keep forgetting wars have always been fought by children.
Where did you get this absurd garment? They gave it to me.
Who? The Germans.
They didn't give you a coat, Yank, they gave you an insult. Hey, son. Over here.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Jerry tried to humiliate you.
Now you must wear that coat as if you were proud of it. Teach him a lesson.
It's terribly important that you understand that.
It's been almost four years since I was taken prisoner. True of most of us here.
We haven't seen a woman or a child in all of that time. Think about that for a minute.
Want to know how we survived?
Well, I'll tell you.
The day that I was captured,
I made a promise to myself:
I vowed each day I would brush my teeth, shave my beard,
wash my hands and face before each meal, evacuate my bowels with regularity.
And do you know why?
Because the war consists of continual petty humiliations.
And I for one was going to treat myself with a good deal of self-respect and survive.
Do you think you can do it?
Johnny Fedoramet Alice Blue Bonnet
In the window of a departmentstore Get it!
It was love at first sight Come on! Come on!
And they promised one night
- They'd be sweethearts forevermore - Billy. Lunchtime, hon.
Okay, I'll be right there. Johnny would serenade Alice
Tooralei, tooralie Tooraloo Spot, sit. Sit. Stay.
Spot. sit. Sit! He sang of a beautiful palace
Of a beautiful hatbox of blue Heel. That's right.
Billy. Billy. Want a snack? But Johnny Fedora lost Alice Blue Bonnet
Be right in. To a patron of the departmentstore
Her beauty was sought by the girl she was bought by Spot!
For $23.94
Come on, Spot. You can do it.
Come on, boy! Come on, Spot.
Come on! Come on, boy!
Come on. Jump in. Come on. Jump!
Attaboy!
Good dog, Spot.
Good.
Billy!
- Billy! - Yeah?
- Suppertime, hon. - Be right in.
Spot. situp. He looked for her up town
You think so? Come on. Look at that!
Now, roll over, Spot. Atta, boy. Isn't he great?
Where's daddy? That's right.
Where's mommy? Where's mommy? Wh-Where's mommy?
That's right. Hi, Spot. Spot!
Billy! Get that goddamn mutt out of here. Get him out of here. Out!
Poor Bobby.
I can't stand that animal! He's ruined three carpets, two pairs of shoes...
He's driving me crazy.
For true love will come smiling through
You're okay, Spot. You're okay.
You make a little mistake now and then, but you're okay.
You got heart.
Yeah. Old Spot.
Pilgrim.
Pilgrim!
Can ya hear me, Pilgrim?
When do you want it? When do you want it?
You'll never know when it's gonna happen. Maybe years. What's goin' on?
- Alright. son. - This pork chop killed a friend.
- I didn't. I just... - This man is sick.
Yeah? Well, he's gonna be dead. Out.
You wanna make the list? Outside, Lazzarino.
Lazzaro! L-a-z... Out!
You threaten this man again, I'll break you in half.
Don't ever answer the door. You tell 'em what happens.
Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro. You tell 'em!
Boy's all twisted up inside.
Feelin' better?
Yes, thank you.
What's he got against you? He's got this crazy idea I caused his friend's death.
I didn't, I... I'm sure you didn't.
I'll talk some turkey to that boy.
- What happened to me? - You passed out, and I brought you in here.
Here. Try some of this.
This will fix you up.
Kinda hot.
Thank you.
- Attaboy. Taste pretty good? -
You don't have to stay. What the heck. Might as well.
I got some food back there.
I don't mean to be impolite, but how come you're in the army?
I couldn't stay out. Not with the Nazis and Japanese...
threatening to con quer the world.
I've got a boy your age seeing action in the South Pacific.
Hey, that's really something. Yeah.
I used to tell my students there, s a monster loose in the world.
I got tired of telling them, and I joined up.
I thought you were a teacher. Come on.
You have that confidence and a very good way with words.
I'll tell you one thing. We don't mince phraseologies at Boston Trade and Industrial.
Boy.
I wonder if my father were still alive if...
I don't think he would of.
Don't you ever sell him short, son.
Mom would never have let him.
You couldn't blame her, could you?
But then I'm lucky, I guess.
Margaret's a very understanding woman.
We were childhood sweethearts.
Hey, that's nice. You got a girl back home?
No one special.
Margaret's the only woman I've ever known.
There's Margaret.
Aw, she looks awful nice.
She's just about everything a man could ask for.
What's this?
That's my mom in our backyard.
You have a very nice-looking mother.
Yeah, she is. Very nice.
That's a nice house too. That's the back.
It's a nice yard.
Nice.
When did you enlist?
It wasn't quite like that. I was drafted.?
It's not that I didn't want to go, I just wanted to finish school first.
Where were you in school? First year of the Ilium School of Optometry.
An optometrist. That's a very good field.
Yes, cause you're doing things for people, and there'll always be a need for optometrists.
Boy, what you just said...
is a very good philosophical way of life.
What? I mean about filling a need and helping people.
Why, that's self-determination and free enterprise backing itself up all the way.
That's why we're in Europe stopping Hitler.
My name's Edgar Derby, son. What's yours?
Billy Pilgrim. Billy, it's nice to have you aboard.
Thank you. You had enough of that?
Yes, I did. Thank you.
The English gave me these boots for ya.
Don't mind the silver paint. They did that for a skit about Cinderella.
It was darn funny. It was a lot of singin' and dancin' and crazy stuff.
Yeah, I admire the English.
They have a great philosophical way of life.
Keep themselves going. Putting on shows. Gilbert and Sullivan.
What's this?
She's his sweetheart
He's her vow Happy anniversary.
He's her Billy
She's his Val Billy!
They were married Your diamond! Why did you do it?
Never to part When I go on this diet just for you,
I'm going to be so sexy.
I'll make you so happy. Just wait and see.
Look. Isn't it divine?
Goodness!
This diamond has a story to it.
Billy actually found it in Germany during the war.
Billy, tell 'em about it. Go ahead, darling, tell them.
No. Billy's too modest. So I'll tell you.
When he was a prisoner in this ...
Good boy, Billy. Thanks.
They gave him an awful coat to wear.
Congrats, Billy. What was his name, hon?
Who? The one that was killed in Dresden.
- Edgar Derby. - That's right.
Poor old Edgar Derby. That was really awful.
They shot him for... What was it, Billy?
Well, anyway, before that,
they found this diamond right in the pocket of Billy's coat.
Lord knows how it got there, and Lord knows why somebody didn't find it before.
It probably came from some poor old Jew.
So many of them have their money in diamonds.
Jesus, Dad! I'm on the john.
My, God, Robert. There's a party downstairs. Why don't you lock the door?
'Cause Mom broke the lock the last time I locked it.
Can't I have any privacy? What have you got there?
Where? There.
Shouldn't be reading that kind of junk, Robert.
Jesus!
Lads. Lads. Hey, Billy!
- Billy. Over here. Can I have your attention?
Please, please, please.
You're being transferred to a camp in Dresden.
You're going to be leaving for there this afternoon.
Actually, I'm quite envious of you.
Dresden is a beautiful city.
Paid a visit there myself before the war.
Besides being quite lovely, it's quite safe.
It's an open city with out war industries or troop concentrations.
It's by far the safest place to be until we get this all over with.
Now then, you must elect a leader. He, s going to be in charge of all this group.
You'll all be under his direct orders,
and he will be your line of communication with the Germans.
Nominations are now open.
You need a leader.
I nominate Paul Lazzaro.
Lazzaro. Right.
Anyone else?
Well, then... I nominate Edgar Derby.
Anyone else?
You'll be responsible, to this man you elect.
and he'll be responsible to the Germans.
So if you mess him up, he's the one they're gonna be after.
Yeah? Hey, pop, you want it so bad; you got it.
I un-nominate Lazzaro.
I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone...
when I introduce our Lion's Club president for the coming year.
Our own Billy Pilgrim.
- The floor's all yours. Good luck. - Shut up, will ya?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Mr. Walters. Fellow Lions.
I want you to know I will do my best to live up to the...
Confidence you've showed by... chosing... choose... by having chose me here today.
And I know that my first responsibility...
is to see that each of you gets through this safely...
and are reunited with your loved ones.
I'd like to ask you... I know we're all of different faiths,
but we're all Americans...
God.
to bow our heads together and pray.
Go take a flying fuck!
If that isn't the most obscene vulgar...!
Is my bath ready, Sillvio?
Yes, Miss.
My robe, Silvio.
Honestly, to show this kind of junk at a family drive-in. It's disgraceful!
Why do you avert your eyes from me, Sillvio?
Why you wanted to take the children to it is beyond me.
Massalina can give you salvation from... Robert!
You shouldn't see that! Mom! Hey!
Do you find Massalina unattractive?
- Gross! - Wow!
- That's enough! - Jesus, Mom! They show more in health class.
Take us home. I don't want to hear another word.
- Silvio. Did you hear me? - Shit!
I will not tolerate that kind of language in front of me, goddamn it!
I am not going to subject myself to that filth...
or allow my children to be subjected to it.
Billy, lam talking to you!
Come on.
Silvio. Silvio. Billy!
Billy. Billy! Come here.
See how you like this one. ... Dear Meg,
...We're on our way to Dresden where we, ll have to do some work for the Germans.
...It won't be warwork because the Geneva Convention prohibits that,
besides, there isn't any war-production in Dresden.
...Dresden is the town where our little dancing figure came from.
Remember the one that Johnny knocked off the table and broke?...
...Dresden's never been bombed because it isn't a military target,
...so we'll be safe there.
...Please write to Johnny and give him all my love,
tell him I know we'll all be back together again soon.
Tell him how proud I am of him....
Where is he? Your boy's in the car, Mr. Pilgrim.
He's the only one we actually caught.
They knocked over 14 gravestones, all told.
I can't understand why he'd do such a thing.
Has he ever said anything about Catholics?
- I mean, has he anything against them? - We've got Catholic friends.
What will the McNalley's think? What are we going to say to the McNalley's?
Mr. Pilgrim, if I could see you up here.
My, God! Why did he do it?
I don't want to take the boy down to the station.
It might be embarrassing to you.
- Maybe we could handle it in some other way. - Thank you. Officer.
If you can get the damages from the church, I'd pay for that.
I'll see what I can do.
And I'd like to show my appreciation by giving you this for the policeman's fund.
You don't have to do that, Mr. Pilgrim, but it's very generous of you.
I'll call you after we've been able to determine the extent of the damages.
What's the matter, Billy?
You must be the greatest father in the world.
I love my son, Billy.
Guess that's all it takes.
Hey, you guys. We're there.
It's beautiful.
I never saw anything like it. It's lovely.
It's the Land of Oz.
Herr Kommandant.
Where's kommandant?
I'm the American kommandant.
These men... I'm the American...
Guess you better go.
Okay, men. Everybody on the other side.
Ich bin the American kommandant.
Perhaps you understand English.
Back at the camp, the men chose me... Go back in line.
I was told to take charge.
Okay, fellas. Move out. Move out.
Don't fool around with any oo-la-las.
How can Ich eat with your old man around?
That won't be so hard. We just make an agreement.
You don't talk, and I don't talk. Daddy, shame on you!
Hey, come on, Billy. We're on our way.
- Bye-bye, Barb. - Bye, Val. - Have a good time.
Bye, sweetheart. Have a good time. Bye. Bye, hon. Okay.
Bye.
I know there's gonna be meetings,
but I really mostly want you to enjoy yourself.
By God, you deserve it. You really do.
Want me to tell you a secret?
I wouldn't tell anybody this, of course, but...
when Valencia brought you home and wanted to marry you, to tell you the honest-to-God truth,
I thought she'd brought home a first-class loser!
I really thought that. But you proved me wrong.
I'm the first to admit it.
You proved old Lionel wrong.
Dad?
Fine family-man, and I'm...
The plane's gonna crash. Come on, Billy-boy!
In 25 minutes, the whole thing cracks up.
You can't get out of your seat!
Stop the plane. No one's allowed in the cockpit, sir.
It's gonna crash. I organized this charter; I'm responsible... Do you want to be removed?
But you don't understand! We've got our clearance for the takeoff.
Everything's going to be all right. Leave the driving to us.
Lousy drunk son of a bitch! God, I hate these charter flights.
There's a change in the weather, there's a changein' the scene
Bum, bum, bum, bum. So from now on there'll be a change in me
Bum, bum. My walk will be different My talk and my name
Bum, bum, bum, bum Nothin' about me
Will be the same You feel all right?
That sure was a lousy joke you pulled back there about the plane crashing.
I'm sorry, Dad. Forget it.
Stewardess, bring this young fella another drink!
Bum, bum, bum, bum There'll be some changes
Made today
Schlachthof-funf. This is Schlachthof-funf.
Funf is English five.
Schlacht is slaughter. Hof is house.
Slaughterhouse-five.
No, the rules of the Geneva Convention prohibit... Haltesmal! Haltesmal!
You must learn the address for your own well-being.
In event of emergency, you will say Schlachthof-funf.
Say it, please. Schlacht. Schlacht.
- Hof. - Hof.
- Funf! - Funf.
- Schlachthof-funf. - Schlachthof-funf.
Schlachthof-funf.
Funf.
Schlacht... hof....
funf.
Schlacht...
hof.
Schlachthof-funf.
Hof... funf.
Schlachthof-funf.
I'm coming, Billy! I'm coming!
I'm coming to you!
For God's sakes, lady! Why'd you jam on your brakes? Look what you've done!
My Billy fell out of a plane!
You all right? I was on my way to the hospital! I missed my entrance!
I'll drive you there. No! It's in Vermont, stupid!
Billy.
Hey, let me see your license! I haven't got time!
You can't leave the scene of an accident, lady!
Your exhaust is shot to hell! Damn it, lady!
You're goin' the wrong way!
Get out of the way!
Goddamn! Get outta the way!
First she backed into me. Then she went the wrong way and...
My God, here she comes again.
I'm coming to you , Billy. I'm coming!
Sweetheart. Honey?
What? Wake up, wake up. Wake up!
What?
Here. What is this?
Billy! What is this?
Follow it and find out. Billy!
Come on. Billy. You're always up to something.
You're wonderful. Thank you. Beautiful!
But did you make this bow? Never mind the bow. Follow the yellow-brick road.
Follow the yellow-brick road!
Follow the yellow-brick road! Billy! Come on. Follow it.
Billy!
Come on, Mama! Follow.
Follow the yellow-brick road!
Mom! Come on down, Mom. Did you really make this bow?
Never mind. Mom! Hurry!
I'm coming. Robert!
Mom, hurry.
Billy! Billy, I can't go out like this.
Of course you can. Follow the golden thread.
A Cadillac! Billy!
Happy birthday, hon. Happy birthday, Mom!
A Cadillac! A white Cadillac!
It's what I've always wanted!
Come on, Robert!
I've always wanted a white Cadillac!
Billy. Sweetheart. And now you've got it.
It's a little tight. You can adjust the seat with this, see?
No, no! That's too tight! Or backward.
You can make it go up... No! It's s quishing me!
Or down. It's wonderful!
I'm gonna lose weight! I'm really gonna, Billy. I love you. I love you.
Get the stretcher! Quick!
Was he alert in the emergency room? No, not very.
His right eye was dillating and his blood pressure was up.
He seemed pretty drowsy.
He's shaved and prepped, Doctor.
Let's get the pressure off. Are the instruments ready? Yes, Doctor.
Better get in quickly, Bill. His right pupil no longer reacts to light.
Scalpel.
Cautery.
Electric burr.
Let me have some saline.
Each day, you will recite your number so we'll know how many men are here.
There'll be no talkin, to Germans unless talked to.
When the war is over, we'll talk.
Let's make another burrhole right here.
Each day, you will be given a working assignment...
for factory, cleaning or mail.
But there is not going to be any talking to German.
When you talk. you talk to your guards only.
Blood-pressure is falling off.
Eins, zwei! Eins, zwei! Eins, zwei!
What are you giving him?
I'm still giving him D5W.
It looks like the pressure's coming up now.
Let's see how we doin' the next five or 10 minutes.
Mrs. Shaw?
I'm Doctor Ellenbogen. Your father's gonna be all right.
It was very difficult, but he came through in good shape.
Stanley, he's gonna be all right!
Wonderful. Did you find Mother?
Well, it... it's crazy, Barbara. I... I don't understand.
What's crazy, Stanley? Where's Mama?
Come on, honey. L-Let's sit down.
Listen. I think we'll take care of your father till he's able to take care of himself.
What are you talking about?
Well, I looked all over for your mom,
and then I asked one of the nurses.
And they said that...
that she died about three hours ago.
So I had to find out if it was the right one.
And it was.
She was.
How? I don't know...
She had some kind of accident with the car...
and got carbon monoxide poisoning.
But she drives a Cadillac!
Honey, I don't know. That's what they told me.
God.
I know. I know.
Hi, darling. How you feeling?
Dirty sons of bitches. Bureaucratic bastards.
They have the audacity to put me in a room with a basket case.
- They just don't have a private room, sweetheart. - Well, I don't know...
Goddamn it, Lily!
I'm gonna pepper your Radcliffe ass with buckshot if I ever catch you smoking again!
You better stay in condition to keep up with B.C. Rumfoord.
You guys go on without me. I'll be all right.
Christ. All he does in his sleep...
is quit and surrender and apologize.
Shoot. I could carve a better man out of a banana.
Did you bring me those books from Widener?
The boys at the Harvard Crimson have a beautiful bit about you.?
They call you the Red Baron of military history...
and want you to get well soon.
Those little bastards!
The Truman statement about Hiroshima is in here,
and those eight Army Air Force documents.
Yeah.
and the Irving book on Dresden. - I was there.
Honey, why did they keep Dresden a secret for so long?
Hell. For fear a lot of bleeding hearts...
would say bombing it was a chickenshit thing to do.
My book's gonna lay it on the line, sweetheart.
Nobody's gonna weep and wail over Dresden after they read my book.
- I was there.
What's he saying? He said he was there.
Says he was where?
Dresden. At Dresden, B.C.!
The hell with him. Let him write his own book.
Schlachthof-funf.
What the hell is he saying now?
Ich bin Amerikanische soldat.
Dresden.
Schlachthof-funf. You wanna know something?
We didn't start the last war; the Nazis did.
And 135,000 people dying in Dresden...
does not seem so very much when put against over five million Allies who had to die!
And you Just might remember that when we were bombing Dresden,
the Germans were sending V-1 and V-2 rockets into London,
killing men, women and children.
Don't get so uptight. Jesus!
Weeping over Dresden and not give a damn about our own losses!
Hey, what about Coventry? What about Rotterdam?
What about the extermination camps the Germans were running?
Gassing millions?
I want your attention.
Attention, please. You are having a visitor.
Howard Campbell, Junior.
I have just come back from the Russian Front, so I'll make it short.
I dont't wanna take up your time, I know how hungry you are. Food's not much though, is it?
Food's terrific! Almost as neat as your outfit!
Men, I have a proposition for you.
How would you like to come back to America after this war as heroes?
Great, as long as I could wear that fag outfit!
Since you're so interested in my outfit, I'll tell you what it's about.
Blue is for the American sky.
White is for the race that pioneered that continent,
cleared the forests, drained the swamps, built the roads and the bridges.
And the red is for the blood of fine American boys...
that's been shed in defense of your freedom.
I don't see you shedding any blood, Campbell.
You all know that communism is out to enslave the world.
And who's out there trying to stop them?
The Germans! They're not your enemies. They're your allies!
Communism is the enemy of all of us!
I want volunteers for the Free American Corps.
- Men who are willing to standup to these commies. - Sit down, Lazzaro!
I didn't vote for you, Derby. Good. Now, who's next?
- If we don't stop them... - Everybody to the air shelter.
Move. Let's go! Get outta my way.
There'll be no bombs. Churchill's nephew lives in Dresden.
Don't worry, soldier.
Well, men, do I have only one volunteer?
Listen, pal. I only stood up back there to tell you that one day your doorbell's gonna ring,
and there's gonna be this guy in a trench coat...
We'll eat German craw for so long, Campbell, because we have to.
But we'd rather die than eat your dung,
which is sick and lousy and foul!
History will prove you an ass.
Shit.
No bombs, Campbell?
You can't trust the Jews.
Daddy, you should really stay with us.
And you shouldn't talk about Mama...
or the accident, or even the war.
I just wanna go home. But we want you with us!
I'll be fine. Just for one night?
No. Daddy. Honestly!
Daddy, you should consider yourself lucky.
Practically every optometrist in Ilium was wiped out.
Stanley's been working night and day for you.
Stinking old dog.
Hello, Spot. Yeah.
Daddy, honestly!
Won't you please change your mind and come stay with us?
You'll be in this empty house with that old dog.
I'll be all right. But, Daddy, be realistic.
You just turned middle-aged. You've got your whole life ahead of you.
Good night, dear.
Ja, schweine! Verfluchen schweine!
Mama! Mama!
Dad? Dad? Papa!
Dad?
Robert?
Hiya, Dad. Hi, Spot.
How did you get here?
Well, they... They gave me leave to visit Mom.
But you know... Sure, Dad. I know.
That's why I'm here. And to see you.
How are you, Dad? I'm fine.
God, Dad. To think that you lived. It's a miracle.
Like one time when a chopper got hit by Charlie,
just outside our camp.
It came down like, like a stone.
But the door gunner walked away.
Dad?
Dad, I-I did the right thing, joining up.
I'm sure you did, son.
It's a lousy war, but sooner or later it's gonna be us or the communists.
We've gotta stand up to them somewhere.
Dad?
I know you and Mom worried about me a lot.
I guess I haven't been the best of sons.
You've been just fine, Robert. No, I... I know I was pretty wild,
and I want to make up for it.
Remember that stuff in the cemetery? Geez!
I'm so ashamed of that now. Really, I am.
But I've changed a lot, Dad.
And I just hope I can make you real proud of me from now on.
You already have, Robert.
Dad, will you come to Mom's grave with me?
I'm not ready yet.
I know how you feel, Dad.
I'm just not ready.
Okay, Dad.
What's happened?
Where am I?
Welcome to the planet Tralfamadore, Mr. Pilgrim.
Tralfam...
Tralfama... Tralfamadore.
How did I get here? There is no "how, " Mr. Pilgrim. There is no why.
The moment simply is.
I don't understand.
Where are you? You can't see us, Mr. Pilgrim.
We live in the fourth dimension. But we can see you.
and there are many important Tralfamadorians here to welcome you.
Well, how do you do?
We hope that you'll find your accommodations here suitable.
I have to stay here?
I'm afraid so.
You mean, I can't leave of my own free will?
Mr. Pilgrim, we have visited 31 inhabited planets in the universe.
We have studied reports on a hundred more,
and only on Earth is there any talk of free will.
Well... What'll I do?
You will laid in the removal of the bodies.
Those that are identifiable...
will be tagged.
Their personal effects will be tagged and given to an officer.
There will be a classification...
according to the degree...
that the victim can be identified.
Any looting or stealing...
will be dealt with by a firing s quad.
Follow me.
It looked like the end of the world.
What looked like the end of the world, Mr. Pilgrim?
Dresden, after the bombing.
Don't be so egocentric.
We know how the world ends, and it has nothing to do with Earth,
except that it gets wiped out too.
Really? How does it end?
While we're experimenting with new fuels,
a Tralfamadorian test pilot panics, presses the wrong button,
and the whole universe disappears.
But you have to stop him!
If you know this, can't you keep the pillot from pressing...
He has always pressed it, and he always will.
We always let him, and we always will let him.
The moment is structured that way.
Mr. Pilgrim, a pleasant way to spend eternity...
is to ignore the bad times and concentrate on the good.
It... It's all right! It's all right!
Will you be quiet, please? Will you please be quiet?
Can't you see you're frightening her?
Who are you?
My name's Pilgrim. What's this scene?
- Where are we? We're on a distant planet.
Are you mating now?
What? Have you mated?
Who are you?
I'm a Tralfamadorian, Miss Wildhack.
A what? You're on the planet Tralfamadore, Miss Wildhack.
423billionmilles from Earth.
Jesus.
Hey, hey. Hey.
You're okay? Yes, thank you.
When were you born? What month? What month?
What month? July.
What day? The fourth. The fourth of July.
You're practical, straightforward, with a belief in others...
based on your own integrity and almost compulsive honesty.
You're a moon child!
You're a moon child. I'm a what?
A moon child. That's your sign.
Were you born in the morning or the afternoon? It doesn't matter. I don't have my charts.
Miss Wildhack? Would you like something to wear?
Yes. Thank you very much.
I was...
I was down in Palm Springs at a home of a producer friend of mine,
sunning myself by the pool.
That's why I'm like this. I don't want halter marks.
Naturally. And...
all of a sudden, it was like a... a ray...
This is all I can offer. Thank you.
And... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Th-That's all there is. And the next thing, I was...
I was here. What's it like up here?
I don't know because we can't leave the dome.
The atmosphere of Tralfamadore is cyanid e.
It would be fatal to you if you left the dome.
This is it?
I'm... afraid so.
How long will they keep us here? I don't know.
You are here, you have always been here,
and you will always be here.
Is he trying to blow my mind?
No, no, no. It all makes sense in a way.
You see, in Tralfamadore... Would you please mate now?
Look. We're not going to put on a show for you. That's one thing.
Another is I demand you get Miss Wildhack some clothing.
If she's cold, we can always regulate the temperature.
Now, you get down to Earth and get Miss Wildhack...
a complete wardrobe, and one that fits!
What's your size? I take a 10.
But I have to take it in here and let it out a little here.
So, they'll have to bring a needle and thread. Did you hear that?
And remember, Miss Wildhack is used to the best.
Thanks!...
- Billy. - Billy.
Now we would like the night canopy.
Why do you wish the night canopy?
Because we want it! Will you mate?
We hardly know each other! Do you mind if we take time to get better acquainted?
You are acting very unnaturally.
We would like the night canopy.
Very well.
Would you like to sit on the couch?
Where is it? Here. Just take my hand.
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Careful. Get away, Spot.
He's not bothering me. I like dogs.
Come here, Spot. Come on.
It's pretty comfortable, isn't it? It's fine.
They got everything from Sears and Roebuck.
I appreciate what you said to them about me.
Thank you, Miss Wildhack. Montana.
Montana. You don't meet many gentlemen...
in the entertainment business.
I'm an optometrist.
Would you like to kiss me?
Yes.
You kiss nicely.
Thank you. Did I hurt you?
No!
Mr. Pilgrim?
Miss Wildhack?
Are you mating now?
Billy!
Billy, look at this!
Look at this! Perfect. There's not a chip on it.
It's exactly like the one we had at home. The one your son Johnny broke?
Yeah! How'd you know about that?
The letter you wrote home. Of course. It's a miracle, isn't it?
This little dancer survived all this destruction.
Wait'll I bring it home. Can you imagine how Meg's eyes will light up?
Arbeit! She'll love it.
Diener?
Was haben sie da?
Look at this.
I found this down there. There's not a chip on it. It's pretty, isn't it?
We had one like it. Used to sit...!
What's the matter?
Feuer!
Stop!Stop!
Billy. Billy? Billy?
Where were you, honey?
Billy? Do you like this?
- It's nice. - It's, not too tight?
A little, maybe.
I'm so big here.
I like it.
That's, cause you're a man.
- I'm gonna have to let it out. - I really think...
Give me something to do.
You like it too, Spot.
He always growled at my wife.
Do you miss her?
She died. Somebody smacked into the rear of her car...
and the exhaust fell off.
She died of carbon monoxide poisoning.
Wow. Like what they have out there?
No. That's cyanide. That's worse.
Wow.
What did you love most about her?
Her pancakes.
If we had a real stove, Billy,
I'd make you an out-of-sight macrobiotic souffl�.
I'd like that.
And then...
we could think about having your baby.
Could we have the night canopy, please?
Daddy! There is no such planet as Trilla flamaduke!
Dad, I think what Barbara and I would really like to know...
Would you be willing to see a psychiatrist?
Listen, I have a friend who's not only a doctor,
but he's interested in outer space.
Why don't the three of us have lunch together today?
I'm not going to commit myself to an institution. Dad, I wasn't...
If it weren't for Tralfamadore, I might have needed an institution.
I don't need a doctor, Stanley.
On Tralfamadore you learn that the world...
is just a collection of moments all strung together in beautiful, random order.
And if we're going to survive, it's up to us to concentrate on the good moments...
and ignore the bad.
Besides, I'm in love up there.
You know, Dad, I'd really like to have lunch with you today.
I'll be very busy.
Montana's pregnant.
What's her name?
Montana Wildhack.
That's the Hollywood starlet who disappeared, isn't it?
My God.
Dad! Hey, w-wait a minute, Dad.
Dad, listen.
I-If you go back and forth in time, do you go into the future too?
- Frequently. - Well...
I mean, h-how far do you go?
Do you actually go... All the way to my death. I've seen it many times.
I died in Philadelphia, where I was giving a speech on the subject of Tralfamadore.
You see, in Tralfamadore, where I presently dwell,
life has no beginning,
no middle and no end.
For example, many years ago...
a certain man promised to have me killed.
He's an old man now, living not far from here.
He's read all of the publicity associated with my appearance.
He's insane, and tonight he'll keep his promise.
If you protest,
if you think that death is a terrible thing,
then you have not understood what I have said.
You see, it's time for you to go home...
to your wives and children.
It's time forme tobe dead for a little while...
and then live again.
I give you the Tralfamadorian greeting:
...Hello. Farewell.
'"Hello.
'"Farewell.
...Eternally connected,
...eternally embracing.
...Hello.
Farewell....
Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro!
Do you hear me, Pilgrim?
Hey, Pilgrim! You hear me?
Pilgrim, get your ass over here and give me a hand!
What are you gonna do with that? I'm gonna make a fortune!
Are you kidding?
Haven't you got enough stuff? What if we get caught?
We ain't gonna get caught. The Krauts have all left.
If we don't steal it, the Russians will.
Let's get the fuck outta here! Wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
I surrender! I surrender!
I don't know.
Billy? Billy?
We just had a baby!
Billy. We've just had a baby boy!
Look at him!
Isn't he beautiful?
Yes. Isn't he incredibly beautiful?
He's perfect. Every bit of him.
What shall we call him? Billy, ofcourse.
Anyway, even if he doesn't look too much like you, he's got your name.
Hello.
Are you hungry? I think he's hungry now.
You hungry? Here. There it is.
Take it, take it.